Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Happy St. Patrick’s Day Friends!

Weekend Update: For my midgets scout meeting Sunday another parent and I thought, “Hey, we have a GREAT idea. Let’s give eight-year-olds power tools!” Sure. Fantastic. We all agreed. No, we were not drunk when we had this brainstorm. Having just survived amputation while carving Pinewood Derby cars we thought it would be a great way to tempt fate. They’re little people. Their stuff will grow back. I was okay with the hand saw, but I thought between the table saw and the compressed air nail gun, surely someone would puncture or chop off something. Alas, it was to be a blood-free event. The boys managed to build an entire (enormous) bird house. This thing is HUGE. A not so small child could fit into it quite comfortably. Next week we paint and decorate the mini condo. As long as no one drinks paint, I think this project will be a complete success.

Speaking of a mini condo… I may need one for my breasts. My very dear friend “The Inebriated One” is trying to get into heaven with good deeds. She bought me a $70 Spanxx bra. 38D. It doesn’t fit. Mind you, the band width was fine. The cups were like… well, think back to the last time you tried on your favorite jeans from junior high school. Enough said. I know Spanxx run strange to assist with the feat of elastic engineering meant to suck, smooth, and tuck, but if this bra is any indication I need an H cup. “Muffin tops” doesn’t begin to describe it. The girls shall swing low yet another day.

Lastly, I REALLY miss Ireland. One of the most beautiful lands I have ever had the honor to walk. So, homage to the Irish in us all…

May your neighbors respect you
Troubles neglect you
The angels protect you
And Heaven accept you.

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