Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Where Has All The Silence Gone?

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Why do we live in a society of noise? I don’t mean, “Oops, a car just backfired” (do they still do that) or “Wow, did you hear that door slam?” noise. I’m talking about the incessant, banal, utterly unnecessary, this-shit-makes-New-York-on-New-Year’s-seem-quiet, would you pleeeeease shut the hell up! noise.

Seriously, what is that about?

I have Chatter Box who talks to herself all day and intermittently throws a comment at me and is surprised when I don’t respond. No, I didn’t hear you. My earplugs are lodged so far into my eardrums, my brain itches and my nose tickles. Then I have the Wind Chime Screamer with musical accompaniment. Yes, she literally screams when she’s on the phone or talking to anyone for that matter. Yes, she actually has wind chimes on her desk that she PURPOSELY and strategically placed so her fan blows on them ALL DAY. And the tiny little cherry is the musak she plays on her radio that is the same as our “hold” music. She says all of that is to (I swear to God…) “drown out the noise.” She said it with a straight face.

What could I do other than turn slowly and walk away?

I would choose to be deaf except I know for a fact I’d still feel the vibrations of their hostile assault on serenity. I’m so grateful I have a job to go to even if the people are (super sweet) but noisy as hell and nuts!

I want to die.

With my luck some fool would hire a marching band to play at the funeral.

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